Dec. 18, 2012 — The date I’ve been dreading for decades and decades — Dec. 21, 2012 — is finally upon us. The last gear spinning in the long count Mayan Calendar wheel means the end of this age has arrived, and a new one will begin. According to some folks, we’re all going to wind up in one big festering heap. Yep, don’t look now, but the end of the world finally comes at 11:11 UTC (Coordinated Universal Time) this Friday — that’s 3:11 a.m. here in Susanville for all you clock watchers.

Truth be told, I’ve already survived the end of the world a couple of times, and I’m happy to report I’m none the worse for wear. Yet.

Some religious fanantic friends of mine predicted the world would end the summer of 1986, and they headed off for the desert in New Mexico. I don’t know what happened to them because I never saw them again, but I’m pretty sure that I’m still here. Maybe I’m just caught in some inter-dimensional feedback loop, and I don’t know I was actually incinerated 30 something years ago. Nah.

And remember those wild cries of doom and gloom during the Y2K scare not so many years ago? Mine was one of the few voices in Lassen County yelling out the new millennium would actually arrive in 2001 because there is no zero year in the Julian Calendar. The years go from 1 BC to 1 AD without a zero point. That simply means a 1,000-year period (a millennia) begins in a year that ends with a 1. That means it also has to end a year that ends in 1. I know you don’t have that many fingers and toes, but do the math anyway, and you’ll see what I mean.

The author Arthur C. Clarke knew this, and thus we have his stories that formed the basis of his novel and the great movie, “2001: A Space Odyssey.” It wasn’t called 2001 simply because that year sounded better than 2000. It was called 2001 because that’s when the new millennia began, a symbol of the important theme of rebirth and recreation the author wanted to convey.

And who could forget Nancy Lieder’s famous prediction the end would come in May 2003 when the planet Nibiru (Planet X according to some sources) would either collide or come so near to the earth the poles would shift and the final apocalypse would arrive.

Ancient astronaut theory proponent Zecharia Sitchin introduced the world to the idea of the planet Nibiru through his work with Babylonian and Sumerian mythology. Sitchen even went so far as to say the extra-terrestrials (ETs) — the Annunaki from Nibiru — genetically engineered humans by mixing their DNA with that of an indigenous earthly primate who would then become a slave race to help the ETs mine the gold they needed to purify their atmosphere. Right. That’s why there’s no missing link. We humans actually came from an alien test tube from way back in antiquity.

Thankfully, NASA reports there is absolutely no scientific evidence Nibiru lurks in a secret orbit on the other side of the sun and that it’s going to suddenly reappear on its 36,000-year cycle. No asteroids apparently are on the way either, and Lassen Peak isn’t blowing it’s top.

Frankly, I do not fear the big Dec. 21 cataclysm. To tell you the truth, I completely expect I’ll get up early that morning, brew some coffee and get ready for another Saturday morning in Lassen County.

If I’m wrong, there’s not a thing I can do about it, anyway. All I’ll never know is I didn’t hear my alarm clock go off! Here’s to seeing you on the other side of the apocalypse.