Put a stop to self-sabotage: Trauma expert’s compassionate approach offers an antidote to tough love

Growing up in a dysfunctional family conditioned Laura K. Connell to find more dysfunction in adulthood, perpetuating a cycle of self-sabotage that wouldn’t be broken until her marriage ended and she was forced to face her alcohol addiction head-on.

“I was just constantly trying to keep myself safe from harm, and when you’re in that state of mind, you’re just not on your side; you’re not doing things that are going to help you; you’re just keeping your head above water,” she said in a recent interview.

She would go on to spend 12 years studying the dynamics of dysfunctional families, and she learned that her habits of self-sabotage were her inner child’s way of keeping her safe — a misguided form of self-protection that prevents far too many people just like her from living their lives to the fullest potential.

In her new book, “It’s Not Your Fault,” Connell helps readers uncover the subconscious reasons they hold themselves back and explains that these blind spots were often created in childhood as coping mechanisms in response to trauma. But rather than teach tactics that ignore or give surface attention to adverse childhood events, Connell lovingly guides readers toward a deeper understanding of the ways in which these negative childhood experiences have impacted their lives and fed into the problem.

“Those who have been let down by traditional therapeutic techniques know that behavior modification doesn’t work for everyone,” she said. “Simply doing things differently while staying the same on the inside might help in the short term, but before long, old patterns emerge.”

Throughout her book, Connell walks alongside the reader as a trusted guide who has been where they are now. She provides the tools and anecdotal evidence to show readers how to overcome the pain of self-sabotage and create the lives they desire.

“We are sometimes our own worst enemies, sabotaging our success and with it our chance for lasting happiness,” she added. “Readers will be relieved to discover that it’s not a lack of willpower that has held them back, but a lack of self-knowledge instead.”

About the Author
Laura K. Connell is a trauma-informed author and coach who helps her clients uncover blind spots that lead to relationship struggles and self-sabotage. She writes about healing dysfunctional family dynamics at her website https://laurakconnell.com/